Superman: Seeker of Knowledge
by magfrump
Summary: Superman confronts old philosophical paradoxes.
1. Zeno's Paradox

There she was, falling.

Another "accident" at LutherCorp. Lots of these recently.

Lex was testing him. It was clear, learning his capabilities little bits at a time, at what Luthor considered small risks. Small fries.

Someone's life.

It wasn't a small risk, not to Clark.

She was falling, and he was getting closer.

Half the distance past.

Halfway there again.

Half the rest of the way, and half the rest of the way, and half the rest of the way.

Time slowed down for Clark as he approached. Couldn't go too fast, or he'd break her neck. Couldn't go too slow, or he wouldn't make it.

So time slowed down, and he approached in that slow time, always slowing, always slowing, until he could orchestrate from nanosecond to nanosecond, moving his body into the position and speed and acceleration necessary to rescue her.

Nanosecond to nanosecond, femtosecond to femtosecond, halfway there.

Halfway there.

Halfway there.

And always the later half remaining.

And then it was over.

He was riding up into the sky easily, and she was in his arms, and she had stopped screaming, he had forgotten about the screaming until it stopped. And she gasped, and she saw the city around them from the sky, and the wind tossed her hair around until she couldn't see. And she fainted.

It always took so long, it felt endless. Like the last half would never come, like the relief of the float upward was so far out of reach.

But no matter how many halves of the distance he crossed, eventually there was one too small. Even for superman, there were distances too small.

"Have you ever heard of Zeno's paradox, Clark?"

"Yes, Jimmy. I have."

"There's an old joke; you put a mathematician and a plumber on one side of a room, and a beautiful woman on the other. You tell them they can cross half the distance to her as many times as you want. The mathematician is horrified. He says they'll never reach her. The plumber shrugs, says 'you could get close enough.'" Jimmy Olsen flashed a famous, dorky smile. "Mathematicians, right?"

Clark looked him in the eye, smiled and nodded. "It's a good joke Jimmy."

And he meant it.


	2. Ontology: Anselm and Euthyphro

"Congratulations on your Pullitzer, Clark! I think everyone knew it was coming to you for a while."

"Shucks, Mister Wayne."

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Alright, Bruce, if you insist. I hope it's alright that my pal Jimmy Olsen tagged along. He was rather insistent."

"Well gee Mister Wayne, it isn't every day you get to meet a real famous billionaire! Such an honor!"

Bruce couldn't help but smile at the kid's face, filled with equal parts freckles and awe.

"Of course, Clark! It's your day after all, everything's my treat."

"I got a raise, Bruce, you don't have to..."

"Of course I do. I wouldn't even let them show you the bill. Anyway! I picked up a copy of the Daily Planet to check out your writing that everyone's been raving about. I guess Lois got the front page this time, though, eh?"

He tossed the paper down on the table. A big picture of Superman, standing over a man coming out of the driver's seat of a car and dropping his cell phone graced the front page.

SUPERMAN SAYS DON'T CALL AND DRIVE

LECTURES MOTORISTS AFTER AVERTED ACCIDENT.

Clark smiled sheepishly.

"I remember it as being a bit more of an admonishment than a lecture."

"But it's good advice, isn't it Clark? Talking on your phone while driving is dangerous!"

Bruce nodded. "It's not a problem for me, since I have a hands-free, and Alfred usually drives. But maybe Superman should go on a life advice lecture circuit!" He shot a wry grin at Clark.

At this, Jimmy perked up.

"He sure should! Golly, I'd love to get advice from the man of steel himself!"

"Don't run yourself out of breath, kid!"

"But Mister Wayne, Superman is just so swell! He's gotta know how to do all sorts of things! Stay in shape, get a job, talk to girls, fix the economy! We'd all be so much better off if we could just learn from him!"

A worried frown crossed Clark's face, but Bruce retained a playful smile.

"So you think we should listen to him because he's Superman?"

"Well, gee, yeah I guess! He's super, so his advice must be super too!"

"But Jimmy," Clark picked up, not quite interrupting. "Surely you remember Bizarro! Being super-powered didn't make him give good advice, that's certain!"

Jimmy frowned at this. "Bizarro isn't Superman. I guess he's sort of like Superman, but just having powers doesn't make him Superman. Superman is super because he's the best at everything! Because he's such a swell guy! He's the best and that's just what Superman is."

Jimmy nodded with this, finally satisfied.

"So what are you saying, that Superman is the definition of good? That no matter what he does, it's right?"

Bruce's smile faded slightly, and Clark shot him a worried look and interjected.

"When Superman got hit by that red kryptonite meteor he went crazy, surely he wasn't in the right, then!"

Jimmy frowned again. "I guess batman was the good guy that time, taking Supes out to help him."

Clark breathed a small sigh of relief.

"So Superman isn't totally infallible, then."

"Gee, I guess not."

"Well I'm glad-if we had to take all our advice from Superman it would have dire consequences for the world of fashion." Bruce's playful smile returned.

"Maybe what you meant, Jimmy, was that Superman tries to be the best person he can. And to the extent that he succeeds, we should try to do the same things-helping people and fixing things that are broken. Protecting the innocent." Clark tried to explain.

Jimmy nodded hesitantly, and Bruce picked up.

"So it's the impulse to do good that makes Superman Super, not the powers that make him good. But you must admit that even if Superman's powers seem pretty mysterious, we haven't had much time to study them yet. On the other hand that impulse to good, the study of morality, humans have studied that for millenia and the answers STILL seem pretty mysterious."

"Huh." Jimmy leaned back, considering this.

"So maybe when Batman isn't as strong as Supes, it's harder for him to figure out how to make everything right, and that's why not everyone likes him all the time."

Bruce grimaced slightly at this, but nodded agreement.

"And since most people don't have all of Superman's powers, it'd probably be rough for him to give them advice." Jimmy finished the thought.

Clark cleared his throat.

"I think our food is about to get here. I hear the roast duck is quite good, wouldn't you say, Bruce?"

"Nothing but the best for my guests. Or, as close as you can get to the best in Metropolis."


End file.
